Welcome to LDS Divorced Sisters
A support group for members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

The following was sent to Betty who asked that it be included here. It is from a company called Support 4 Women, an LLC in Utah started by Connie Schreiner. She has offered this free information and you can call her to get more information.

Support 4 Women offers a free pamphlet, "Surviving the Holidays after Divorce", to help women who are separated or divorced make something positive and even meaningful out of the scary holiday season . . . and I don't mean Halloween. Amid all the festivities, one feels a bit like the Grinch talking about divorce--but people whose families have been shattered are devastated at the prospect of facing celebrations aimed at family unity and happiness. All the cheer and togetherness accentuates the fact that your own family is no longer intact.

Helpful ideas to survive the season:

Start with a "vision statement" for what you hope the holidays will accomplish. Are you aiming for family unity or merely emotional survival? Writing down and even posting your purpose in celebrating can focus your decisions on what you really want, not on what your emotions dictate.

Plan for the celebrations. When will the children be with you? When and how will you celebrate the big days? Plan what you will do when the children are not with you--something you look forward to that occupies your time and your mind. Also, plan what to do if the emotional breakdown threatens. Who will you call? Plan to avoid the triggers that set off the sadness, whether from places, decorations, or activities.

Control your emotions by controlling your thoughts. Instead of thinking poison thoughts like "he caused the divorce and I'm the one who is suffering," substitute positive TRUTHS such as "I am on the path to greater happiness, even if the beginning stages are still difficult." Remembering that "this too shall pass" puts this season into perspective.

Remember that it's not all about you and it's not all about the divorce either. Make it about the children and others. Service of any kind turns your heart outward and makes the loss feel less obtrusive. If you have it in you this year, behave inspirationally.

Nurture yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Take care of your physical, mental, emotional, spiritual and social needs. Give yourself a present. Adjust your expectations to the level you can handle. Let others help you. Accepting help and love is very healing.

A full pdf version of the 12 page pamphlet, with more examples and ideas, is available free by emailing croberts@support4ldswomen.com.

Support 4 Women was founded to help women deal with difficult life challenges. We believe that given knowledge and guidance, women can discover and create their own solutions to their problems. We offer classes, presentations, support groups, and publications. Learn more at support4ldswomen.com or call 801-541-4354.

Here's the second submission from Connie of Support 4 LDS Women:

Betty;

I have expanded the initial concept and have developed a class for sisters facing any life crisis. In his rebuilding book on recovering from a divorce, Bruce Fisher said that these patterns are the same for those who go through other crises in their lives, i. e. losing a job, being widowed or being diagnosed with a chronic illness. He said,

"Maybe one of the most important personal skills we can develop is how to adjust to a crisis. Probably there will be more crises in our lives, and learning to shorten the pain time will be a highly valuable learning experience. ”
This is the material I put on my website:

We talk about enduring our trials, overcoming obstacles, and recovering from crises. But what about now? Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin said,

"We should send our roots deep into the soil of the gospel. We should grow, flourish, flower, and bear good fruit in abundance despite the evil, temptation, or criticism we might encounter. We should learn to thrive in the heat of adversity. " (Ensign, May 1989, p. 7)
This is the name of the new class: Thriving in the heat of adversity.

We are meant to be happy in this life, regardless of what trials we face or how long they last. The absence of trials is not a prerequisite to happiness. Support 4 Women is offering a new class to help women thrive during their trials, not after they are over.

Learn how to "endure" well.

Learn how to stop waiting for some distant future when "all is well" to find happiness.

Learn how to_learn more quickly_ the lessons the trials are meant to teach you, so that the trials _may_ be shortened.

This class is for women who are experiencing marriage struggles, family members not following the standards of the gospel, the death of a loved one, chronic illness, financial struggles, a childless marriage, struggles with testimony or who you are, or loneliness--or any other trial!

During the 6 week workshop:

  • We examine the emotions that lead to pain: Denial, fear, grief, guilt, anger, rejection.
  • We learn the importance of clarity—accurate perceptions.
  • We learn how to develop attitudes that get beyond pain: self worth, humility, being teachable, understanding and compassion, acceptance, and trust.
  • We learn to take responsibility for our lives.
  • We learn how to get help.
  • We learn how to work by faith.
  • We learn to thrive in the heat of adversity.
Join us to learn to thrive in the midst of your adversity!

Betty- if you think this would be valuable to the sisters in your email groups, I would very much appreciate your sending this out. The class will begin in early February--I am collecting information now about times that are most attractive to sisters who want the class. They can get more information on my website at support4ldswomen.com

Support 4 LDSWomen

Thanks again for all you do!
Connie

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